The Melting Birthday Cake

Oh Reader,

When I say melting I mean melting. This whole ordeal was me losing my mind in the Florida heat but I'm getting ahead of myself, I have to start at the beginning.

A couple of weeks ago my co-worker, Kate, asked me a life changing question and that conversation went a little like this:

Kate: Hey could I buy a cake from you? Me: What do you mean buy a cake? Kate: Like could you make me a cake for my birthday and I'll pay you for it. Me: Bro I'll do that for free I'm so down!

So yeah I was hyped that she thought of me as enough of a baker to be paid for the work (we'll come back to that later) and I began to plan what I was going to do. I knew that she liked vanilla so I decided vanilla cake with a marshmallow buttercream frosting, and she loves her pet bunny so I was like cool I'll do this cute little bunny stencil on the side of the three layer cake.

Sunday afternoon, the party being on Tuesday, my friend Makenzie helped me make the frosting so I wouldn't have to attempt to do it all by hand in my dorm room. It was transported back to Orlando and Monday I began the cake. Y'all this is where it got stressful. So apparently no one in college has scissors so I was like oh it's fine I'll just butter the hell out of these two metal pans and the silicone one instead of putting down parchment paper. Mistake number 1. I managed to misplace my measuring cups so I used tablespoons to measure out everything which took FOREVER, especially with the 4.5 cups of flour that totaled 72 tablespoons :) I was also using my boyfriend's kitchen (because kitchens don't exist in dorms), which has an oven that heats unevenly. So the entire time the cakes are baking I'm rotating their location and my boyfriend's roommate is watching this happen and attempting to help while being thoroughly impressed that I can fix his girl problems at the same time. Ready for mistake 2? The silicone pan cake came out super smoothly, but cake #2 in the metal pan half came out and half stayed in so I became a walmart version of Michaelangelo (not the ninja turtle one) and pieced it together with frosting. I wanted to avoid this with the third cake that was also in a metal pan so I ran hot water over the bottom and that seemed to help slightly? I also stuck it in the freezer for an hour but I have no idea if that did anything. Anyway, that layer came out okay and I had to make all the sides match so I cut it a bit around the edges and the cake is so moist that it's crumbling and I'm freaking out a little as the Ratatouille soundtrack plays the kitchen music which of course is exactly the mood I needed right then. But I'm thinking, well okay, at least I know it won't be dry. I manage to get a crumb coat of frosting on (pun intended) but it is falling apart so much I know that I won't be able to do the stencil idea so I go with plan b which is make it an ombre cake. However, the state of Florida decided that I was wrong and as I'm piping lines of frosting on to the cake it's melting rapidly and I'm desperately trying to keep the cake and the frosting on and together. This turned into me smoothing the frosting up from the bottom to the top of the cake with a pallet knife that actually looked fairly good and like marbely so that was neat but in the moment I was ready to cry. I quickly shoved it in the freezer and left it there for a hot minute while I got McDank's french fries and cried to my friends about how I suck at everything and I can never go into baking as a profession. They were very reassuring but what really made me feel better was two of the roommates (they're both 19 year old guys) saw the cake that I thought was amateur hour if there ever was one, and they were both amazed and told me it looked so incredible and to save them a slice if one was left over. Honestly that made my day because it was just so pure and sweet and you could tell they really meant it.

If after this disaster of a story you want to make a vanilla cake with marshmallow buttercream frosting, I'll put the recipe under this. A note of encouragement- I gave it to Kate today and she loved it. I even had a slice myself and it was awesome.

So Readers, if you are looking at this because you're my friend or because you actually like to bake, let me remind you that even if something might not look exactly how you think it should or as pretty as you wanted it, it can still be amazing.

Lots of love from my fondue induced food coma brain,

TMADJJ

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Okay the resippy:

Cake:

4.5 sticks salted butter

3.5 cups sugar

6 egg whites

4.5 tsp vanilla extract

4.5 cups flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

4 1/4 tsp baking powder

2 3/4 cups whole milk

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Preheat the oven to 350. LINE YOUR PANS PEOPLE or use silicone pans either one works but these yeilded three 10 inch layers.

Beat the butter and sugar together until its a lil mushy and fluffy. Add the egg whites and vanilla for about a minute, it will look kinda curdled but that's fine and correct.

In a separate bowl, combine four, baking soda and baking powder.

Add 1/3 of the dry mix to the original batter and alternate adding the dry mix and the milk until it runs out. I did three additions of dry mix and two of the milk. The batter should now look glossy and thicc, if it still looks curdled then you've probably messed up somehow.

Divide the batter evenly between the pans and then stagger the pans in the oven so they're not overlapping. If they have to overlap, then try and do it so they do so in the least way possible.

I baked my cakes for about 30 minutes, so I'd check it after that long, but keep baking until a toothpick comes out clean and the tops look golden brown.

Cool it for ten minutes before attempting to remove them from the pans and relocating them to a cooling rack. If you don't have a cooling rack don't be alarmed, I don't either, I just put them on another flat surface because that feels vaguely more professional than leaving them in the pans. Let them cool completely before you try to ice them.

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Frosting!

This should make enough to cover the sides and ice between the layers.

Ingredients:

1.5 cup unsalted butter (room temperature)

4 cups icing sugar

4 tsp heavy cream

2 tsp vanilla

2 containers of marshmallow fluff (the jiffy containers the regular size ones)

a baby pinch of salt

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Beat the butter with a hand or stand mixer until it's light a fluffy. Add the sugar one spoonful at a time while still mixing. I know this seems super tedious but trust me it's worth it because the texture comes out right and not lumpy. Add the vanilla and heavy cream until it's smooth and then finally, add the marshmallow fluff until fully combined. You're now ready to create a fully formed delicious cake!